After the talk, one question I get asked a lot is:
"Okay, I get the feedback technique… but how do I apply it when the other person is already upset or closed off from the start?"
It makes total sense to wonder about that. If the person is angry or defensive, the feedback technique isn't going to work.
First you need to manage the conflict.
Here are 3 steps you can take before giving feedback in those situations that greatly improve things:
1. Acknowledge the emotion without justifying yourself
"I can see this has bothered you" or "I notice you're frustrated about this."
Don't explain. Don't defend yourself. Just acknowledge.
This lowers the emotional temperature. Most managers jump straight into correcting or justifying their side of things.
Mistake. First, acknowledge.
2. Ask for their side first
"Tell me what happened from your point of view."
Letting the other person speak first disarms defensiveness. When someone feels they've been heard, their openness to listening to you increases significantly.
3. Find the minimum point of agreement
There's always something you can both agree on, even if it's minimal, even if it's abstract:
"We both want the project to succeed." "I can see we're both concerned about security."
Start from there. Build from what you share, not from what separates you.
Only after these 3 steps, when the person is more receptive, can you apply the feedback technique from the webinar.
Does it always work? No, no formula always works. We're not robots.
But it works much better than trying to give feedback when the other person is closed off.
If you're interested in truly understanding what to do in each situation, in ManagerPro we dedicate two courses to conflict management, with specific techniques for each type of situation.
We also cover:
- How to give feedback without the person getting defensive (there's much more than we had time to cover in the webinar)
- What to do about underperformance
- How to take your first steps as a manager if you're just starting out
And more... you can see everything about ManagerPro here
Best,
José Carlos
P.S.: The €100 Black Friday discount ends today. If this is something you deal with every week, now is a good time.
P.S. 2: If you haven't watched the webinar recording yet, it's here.